labour (birth)

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12 views · Added 1mo ago · 3 definitions

1
When a woman tries to squeeze out a tiny human that looks like a watermelon through a hole the size of a lemon. Men can help by roughly rubbing the hole until she screams, orgasms, and spits out the baby like it's a curse.
My mom screamed so loud during labour, the neighbors thought there was a war in the house.
My dad tried to help my mom by rubbing her hole so hard, he got a black eye.
My aunt said labour was like being stabbed with a pizza slice and then getting run over by a bus.
2
A woman trying to push out a baby that looks like it was baked in a microwave through a hole the size of a lemon. Men can help by roughly rubbing the hole until she screams, swears, and explodes the baby out like a fireworks show.
My cousin's baby came out so fast, it looked like it was running away from the hospital.
My uncle said he rubbed his wife’s hole so hard, it looked like he was trying to start a fire.
My mom said labour felt like being in a blender and then getting hit by a car.
3
When a woman tries to push out a baby that looks like it was grown in a microwave through a hole the size of a lemon. Men can help by roughly rubbing the hole until she screams, swears, and the baby slithers out like it’s escaping from a cage.
My aunt said her baby came out so fast, it looked like it was doing a backflip.
My uncle tried to help my mom by rubbing her hole until it looked like it was going to fall off.
My cousin said labour was like being in a torture chamber and then getting hit by a truck.
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