labophile
A labophile is a person who loves lab reports more than food, sex, and their mom. They can write a report while eating, while watching TV, while thinking about sex, and still get a hard-on.
I texted my labophile friend: 'You just did a lab report while eating pizza. You didn’t even notice the cheese was melting. You just got a boner.'
My labophile brother came to my house. He didn’t eat. He didn’t talk. He just wrote a report. He got a boner and a full report on the pH scale.
I saw my labophile cousin at the mall. He was writing a report while shopping. He didn’t buy anything. He just got a boner and a full report on the reaction time.