Laars
Laars is a name so tough it could punch a wall and make it cry. Only real man-baby boys get this name, mostly in Italy and Latin America where they take names seriously or get kicked out of the family.
My cousin got named Laars because he cried when his dad told him he was named after a goat.
My neighbor’s kid is named Laars and he already bench-pressed my dog.
My uncle said Laars is the only name that could survive a lion’s roar and a middle school math test.