He was at a bar with a girl who looked like a walking cupcake. He sent her a picture of his face with a hot dog in it. He told me he was getting a raise. I told him he got fired.

She was at a nightclub wearing a dress that had more glitter than a disco ball. She sent me a video of her dancing with a guy who had a mustache like a raccoon. I told her I was going to sleep. She told me I was going to regret it.

He was at a party with two girls who looked like they had just escaped a candy factory. He sent me a picture of the girls with a message that said 'I'm getting a new life. You're getting a new roommate.' I told him I was going to kill him.