LA Freeway

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When a bartender takes a bar mat and dumps all the trash liquor into a shot glass and you chug it like it’s liquid gold.

I took a shot of expired vodka and it tasted like my ex's revenge.

That shot was so bad it gave me a headache and a new nickname: 'The Shot Heard 'Round the Bar'.

I drank that shot and now I can’t stop crying and laughing at the same time.

What happens when you stick your face in a car and let Hell drive you on a road that’s more broken than your relationships.

I got stuck in traffic and it felt like I was in a war zone with my cousin’s bad driving.

That car ride was like being tortured by a pizza delivery man who forgot your order.

I’ve been stuck in traffic so long I think my car is now my second home.

A weird way to have sex where your legs make a ring and your junk splits the ring like it’s trying to escape.

I tried that position and now my legs are sore and I’m questioning my life choices.

That sex position was so weird I thought my partner was doing yoga and I was the extra person.

We did that position and now I can’t walk straight and I have a new nickname: 'The Ringmaster'.