Kaaren

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2 views · Added 10d ago · 3 definitions

1
Kaaren is a woman who thinks she's God and will prove it by letting you die in the process. She’s got a heart the size of a pizza and a mouth that can turn your whole life upside down.
I told her I was leaving. She told me to bring her coffee or she’d summon demons.
She cried when my dog died, but she yelled at me for eating the last slice of pie.
She showed up at my job to tell my boss I was a bad employee. My boss believed her.
2
Kaaren is like a unicorn, but with a temper and a swear word for every problem. She'll do anything to save your soul, even if it means punching you.
She stood up in church and yelled at the priest for not being a good enough man.
She sent me a text saying, 'If you don't call me, I'll send your dog to prison.'
She showed up at my ex’s house with a cake and a death threat.
3
Kaaren is a woman who would fight a dragon for you, but she’ll also text you 10 times a day to remind you she’s still alive.
She texted me a photo of my cat wearing a crown and said, 'Your cat is now king. You are now peasant.'
She showed up at my birthday party with a cake and a list of things I did wrong.
She called my mom to tell her I was a bad influence.
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