Jacob hackney shit

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when someone is so damn flirty or horny they sound like a horny goat that just saw a goat wearing a thong

You: Hey, how's your day? Them: I'm fine, but I'm thinking about you nonstop, like, every 30 seconds.

You: What's up? Them: I'm up, and I'm up for you, and I'm up for more than just up.

You: Do you want to hang out? Them: I'd hang out with you even if you were a hanging tree.

when someone takes one hit of weed and loses their mind like it was a nuclear bomb and they were in the middle of the blast

You: Want to smoke? Them: No. I had one hit and now I'm permanently broken.

You: Let's do this. Them: No, I did this once and now I'm a ghost in a haunted house.

You: It's just weed. Them: It's the devil's weed. And I'm the devil's ex.

when someone is so fake they could be a fake person wearing fake clothes in a fake mall with fake money

You: Hey, how's work? Them: I'm fine. But I'm also a secret dragon who only comes out on Fridays.

You: What's new? Them: I've been busy. I've been busy being a super hero who just got a new super power: lying.

You: Are you okay? Them: I'm fine. I just faked my entire life.

when someone acts like they've been wronged by the entire universe over something as tiny as a paper cut

You: Did you get a paper cut? Them: It was a paper cut from the paper of the devil.

You: What's wrong? Them: I'm being attacked by a paper army.

You: That's just a little thing. Them: It's a little thing that's gonna take over the world.

when someone is so much of a fuck boi they could be a fuck boi in a fuck boi factory full of other fuck bois

You: What's up? Them: I'm up, and I'm a fuck boi. You know what that means.

You: Did you get a job? Them: I got a job at a fuck boi factory. I'm the fuck boi boss.

You: You're going to school? Them: I'm going to school, but I'm also a fuck boi. That's a full-time job.