Jacob Crooks
A total mess who thinks Touch Footy is a real sport, but he's just a guy who gets beat up every time and then rats his brother out like a f***ing traitor
He texts the group chat: 'He's coming!' Then gets tackled by 3 people.
He cries after losing again and texts his brother: 'You're a f***ing disgrace!' Then gets beaten up.
He tries to be a cop named Gary, but he's just a sad guy in a uniform.