jacob brown

Fresh

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A dude with more swag than a broke kid with a fake ID. He’s got hoes, drugs, and a vibe that makes you want to steal his life.

Yo Jake, I’m out of weed and my ex just texted me. Save me.

He got three hoes in one day and still had time to smoke my blunts.

I asked for a hookup and he sent me a text, a photo, and a free hit.

This dude is so smooth, he could charm a nun into giving him her lunch money. He’s got hoes, drugs, and a life you wish you had.

Jake texted me at 2 a. m. with a photo of his new hoe and a bag of weed. I’m dead.

He got me out of jail with a wink and a promise of more drugs.

He’s got more hoes than my mom has dishes to do.

Jake is like the king of cool. He’s got hoes, drugs, and a vibe that makes you want to quit school and follow him everywhere.

He said, ‘Hi Jake, you are so cool,’ and then gave me a bag of weed and a hug.

He showed up at my house with two hoes and a whole box of candy.

He texted me, ‘You’re cool, but I’m cooler.’ Then he sent me a photo of his new hoe.