Jacksuckapie
A YouTuber who looks like a fitness poster but can't shut up. His dad was a football player, but that doesn't mean he can run. He yaps about morals like he's never stolen a sandwich. He's the reason people say 'inspirational' when they mean 'annoying.'
'I'm so fit I could bench press a goat. Also, I have a moral code. Also, I can't stop talking.'
'Dunked on by a 12-year-old. My dad would be ashamed.'
'I spread positivity... until I ran out of energy.'