jacks & palances

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1
A stupid rule from way back when that lets Jack Palance take control of everything. He gets to veto laws, laugh at the president, and make the Supreme Court look like a bunch of baboons.
Jack Palance just vetoed the new pizza tax. He said it wasn't palanced enough.
Congress tried to pass a law without him. He flipped his bird and it died.
The president signed a law. Jack Palance said no, and the Supreme Court cried.
2
When you suck in air like a fish gasping for oxygen, right after you say something stupid, because your gut is trying to explode.
'I’m not fat, I’m just… palanced.' *sucks in air like a vacuum*
'This burp is coming, and it’s bringing an army.' *sucks in air like a whale*
'I just ate six tacos. Palance me.' *sucks in air like a dragon*
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