Jackiee
She’s a walking disaster who somehow still looks good. She’ll help you if you’re nice, but if you’re not, she’ll roast you until you’re crispy like bacon.
You: "I can’t do this." Jackiee: "You can. And if you can’t, I’ll laugh at you."
She texts you: "You’re not failing. You’re just choosing to be a failure."
She showed up to your meltdown and just said, "You’re not broken. You’re just lazy."