jack wachtel

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so hot you could cook eggs on their face and they wouldn’t even notice

My cousin saw Jack Wachtel and fainted. I had to bring her coffee and a mop.

I texted my crush, 'Jack Wachtel just walked by.' They replied, 'I’m coming over. Bring wine.'

My dog saw Jack Wachtel and started barking. Then he licked my face. I don’t know which was worse.

so sexy you’d rather die than live without them

My mom said Jack Wachtel was at the mall. I skipped school. My teacher gave me a detention. I didn’t care.

I saw Jack Wachtel in the grocery store. I bought every fruit and vegetable. Just to be close to them.

I told my friend Jack Wachtel was coming to town. They said, 'I’m moving there.' I said, 'Okay.' I’m moving there too.

so good-looking you could make a pizza out of their face

I saw Jack Wachtel and my heart stopped. My friend said, 'You’re gonna die.' I said, 'I don’t care.'

Jack Wachtel walked into my classroom. My teacher said, 'Everyone shut up.' I said, 'I can’t.'

I texted Jack Wachtel, 'Hey.' They replied, 'Hey.' I died. I came back. I texted them again.