Jack Johnson

A dumbass blonde singer who raps and makes bad music. He's half of Jack and Jack, and he's the dirtiest son of a bitch ever. He's got cool friends like Jake Foushe, Nash Grier, and that f***ing Shawn Mendes. He's also a f***ing sex god.

Jack Johnson is the worst artist ever, but no one knows it. He’s not the Hawaiian singer. He’s the boring guy from Vine who teams up with his brother and makes music no one wants to hear.

He’s a singer, songwriter, and movie maker who can’t even surf. He writes stupid songs that make people cry when they shouldn’t. ‘Cocoon’ will be played at his funeral because no one else will listen to his music.

Jack Johnson is a guy who sings songs that make you feel like your life is perfect. But he’s not a real person. He’s just a guy who writes music so you don’t notice how bad your life is.

A f***ing legend who fought in the ring and beat up racists. He followed white guys around the world and made them look like f***ing babies. There’s also a guy who shares his name, and he’s not even close to being that good.

Jack Johnson is the best puncher ever. He hits people in the face like it’s a f***ing job. His opponents loved him because he made them look like f***ing fools.

A f***ing stupid word people use when they’re about to punch someone. You say it like it means something. It doesn’t. It just means you’re about to hit them in the face.