jabalundi

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A jabalundi is a giant piece of human trash. They don’t walk, they slump. They don’t breathe, they stink.

My cousin is a jabalundi. He eats pizza and then stares at you like you owe him money.

That guy at the bus stop is a jabalundi. He smells like a dead raccoon in a sock.

My mom calls my dad a jabalundi every time he forgets to take out the trash.

A jabalundi is someone so lazy, they’d let their dog do their homework.

My neighbor is a jabalundi. He’s been sleeping since 2019.

My friend’s brother is a jabalundi. He eats cereal for dinner and calls it a gourmet meal.

My teacher called me a jabalundi because I forgot to do my math homework.

A jabalundi is the worst kind of human. They don’t live, they just exist in a cloud of bad decisions.

My uncle is a jabalundi. He has three jobs and still can’t remember his own phone number.

That kid in my class is a jabalundi. He talks to his plants and calls them his best friends.

My mom is a jabalundi. She eats ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

A jabalundi is like a human who got hit by a truck and then forgot to pay the bill.

My brother is a jabalundi. He eats pizza for breakfast and then takes a nap.

My friend’s mom is a jabalundi. She wears pajamas to work and calls it a fashion statement.

My dad is a jabalundi. He forgets his own birthday and still remembers to text me about it.

A jabalundi is someone so useless, they can’t even make a sandwich without crying.

My cousin is a jabalundi. He cried when I told him I was leaving for college.

That guy in my gym class is a jabalundi. He can’t even do 10 push-ups without whining.

My grandma is a jabalundi. She can’t make a sandwich without burning the bread.