J-Pew
A guy who’s so plain he gets the nickname J-Pew just because he can’t handle the sound of a pew without turning into a screaming idiot.
J-Pew: "Why does it have to be a pew?!" (He’s screaming in the middle of a church.)
J-Pew texts his mom: "Pew is louder than my ex's voice."
J-Pew yells at a pew like it owes him money.