I'm allergic to people

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I get a rash just looking at humans. They’re like cockroaches with opinions.

I came to the party and left in five minutes. People are louder than a jackhammer.

My cousin said I was ‘social’ and I threw a soda at her.

I walked into a room and immediately felt like I needed a shower and a exorcism.

I can’t stand people. They’re like a bad breakfast. Too much noise and not enough toast.

At the grocery store, I fake a sneezing fit to get out of talking to the cashier.

My friend asked me to go out, and I told him I’d rather be buried alive.

I sat in the back of the class just to avoid eye contact with my teacher.

People give me hives. They’re like a bunch of loud, rude, uninvited guests at my sleepover.

I showed up to the family dinner and immediately hid in the bathroom.

I told my boss I had a ‘sudden illness’ just to avoid small talk.

My roommate said I was ‘weird’ and I threw a pillow at him.