I'd have a beer - What you say when you're about to crash your car into a mail

What you say when you're about to crash your car into a mailbox and hope it doesn't wake up the neighbors

I'd have a beer if I didn't have to explain why my car is stuck in the front yard.

I'd have a beer if I didn't have to face my dad's rage after denting the family car.

I'd have a beer if I didn't have to live with the embarrassment of my dog running into a tree.