i'd hate to - A sneaky way of saying you're enjoying someone else's misery

A sneaky way of saying you're enjoying someone else's misery like a kid who just got a free soda.

I'd hate to be you after your dad said your report card was 'a disgrace.'

I'd hate to be you when your crush asked you out and you said 'no' just to be cool.

I'd hate to be you after your teacher said your essay was 'written by a goldfish.'