I'd fap that

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You say this when you'd rather jerk off to something than ever get laid. Mostly used by nerds who know they'll never get lucky.

I'd fap that pizza box. It's got cheese and sauce and I'm tired.

My crush got a six-pack. I'd fap that.

I saw a dog wearing a shirt. I'd fap that.

You say this when something is so hot you can't help but imagine you're touching it. Usually a naked girl.

That girl in math class? I'd fap that.

I saw a guy in a banana costume. I'd fap that.

That burger? I'd fap that.

You say this when you're saying you'd fap to something, but you're also being realistic. You know you'll never get with them.

That guy in the band? I'd fap that. But he’s already dating the drummer.

That guy who gets a perfect score every time? I'd fap that. But he’s already dating my sister.

That guy who can do 10 pull-ups? I'd fap that. But he’s already dating my mom.