I would never barf in your urn!

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Lying so hard your face looks like it got hit by a garbage truck and your grandma’s spaghetti.

I didn’t cheat on my math test, even though I failed it and my neighbor saw me copying answers.

I didn’t eat that whole pizza by myself, even though I passed out on the couch after it.

I didn’t throw up in your urn, even though you found a hairball in it and it smells like a dead raccoon.

Saying you’d never do something, then doing it so bad it makes your enemies cry.

I’d never steal your lunch money, then I took it and ate it in front of you.

I’d never talk to your dog, then I insulted it and it barked at me like I owe it money.

I’d never barf in your urn, then I did it and it looked like a science experiment gone wrong.

Lying so much your nose is growing, and your brain is trying to escape.

I didn’t eat your soup, even though I drank it and left a message in it with a straw.

I didn’t use your urn as a bathroom, even though you found a sock in it and it stank like a garbage can.

I’d never barf in your urn, even though I did and you had to clean it with bleach.

Making a promise you know you’ll break, just to look cool.

I promise I won’t eat your chips, then I did and I left a message in the bag.

I said I’d never barf in your urn, then I did and it was like a horror movie.

I told my mom I’d never eat that pizza, then I did and I got a stomachache.

Lying so much your tongue is tired, and your brain is confused.

I didn’t eat your cereal, even though I drank it and left a note in the bowl.

I said I’d never barf in your urn, then I did and it looked like a science project.

I told my teacher I didn’t cheat, even though I copied the test and got caught.