i wish you were a derivative

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The dirtiest pickup line ever. It makes people want to slap you or kiss you. Depends on who you're talking to.

I said that to my math teacher. She gave me a D for being too cute.

Told it to my cousin's girlfriend. Now I have to fight my cousin for her.

Used it on a guy at the mall. He asked me out. I said no. He asked me again. I said no. He asked me again. I said no. He asked me again.

The worst thing you can say to a girl. It’s like saying you want her to be a math problem. Which is kind of hot, but also kind of annoying.

Told it to my crush. She laughed. Then she cried. Then she left me.

I said it to my ex. She came back. Then she left again. Then she came back again. Then she left again.

Used it on my neighbor. Now she sends me cookies every day. I don’t know why.

The most embarrassing thing to say to someone. It sounds smart. But it also sounds like you failed algebra.

I said it to my mom. She said, 'You’re a failure.'

Used it on my boss. He gave me a warning. Then he gave me a raise. Then he gave me a warning again.

Told it to my pet dog. He stared at me. Then he walked away. Like I wasn’t even there.