You’re at the diner. I say: 'Why are you talking to that guy? He’s like the last slice of pizza. Bland and sad.'

You’re at the gym. I text you: 'Don’t even look at that guy. He’s got the face of a guy who just got rejected by his ex and her new boyfriend.'

You’re at the movie theater. I whisper: 'You’re talking to a guy? I’m out here texting my crush.'