I hitched my wagon to a horse with no legs

You're the idiot who stuck their face in a garbage can and now they're stuck there.

I joined a gym and now I'm stuck lifting weights with a guy who can't even do push-ups.

I followed my brother to Alaska, and now I'm stuck in the snow with no heat.

I tried to be a chef and now I'm stuck working at a diner with a guy who burns every burger.