I don't speak russian I speak soviet

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1
What I yell at the top of my lungs when I’m stuck in Russia and my brain is melting from confusion and stress
I don’t speak Russian, I speak Soviet, and I’m not asking for directions, I’m declaring war.
I don’t speak Russian, I speak Soviet, and I’m not lost, I’m just choosing to be extra.
I don’t speak Russian, I speak Soviet, and I’m not being rude, I’m just being honest.
2
What I say when I’m in Russia and I’m too tired to be polite and too mad to be smart
I don’t speak Russian, I speak Soviet, and I’m not tired, I’m just being a menace.
I don’t speak Russian, I speak Soviet, and I’m not mad, I’m just being dramatic.
I don’t speak Russian, I speak Soviet, and I’m not being a menace, I’m just being a legend.
3
What I say when I’m in Russia and I’m ready to fight the entire country for a better coffee break
I don’t speak Russian, I speak Soviet, and I’m not fighting the country, I’m just being a troublemaker.
I don’t speak Russian, I speak Soviet, and I’m not a troublemaker, I’m just being a coffee god.
I don’t speak Russian, I speak Soviet, and I’m not being a coffee god, I’m just being a menace.
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