i don't speak english

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What you say when some random person tries to talk to you and you're too lazy to even pretend you understand them

Yo bro, you ever seen a human being talk like that?

Why is this guy still talking? I just wanted to be left alone.

This person is like a broken record and I am the annoyance.

You say it when someone tries to be friendly and you'd rather punch them in the face than talk to them

Why is this person smiling at me like I owe them money?

I don't speak English, I speak 'why are you still talking to me?'

This is the part where I mentally prepare for a fight.

Your excuse when someone tries to chat you up and you’re too busy being a grumpy old man inside a teenager’s body

I don’t speak English, I speak 'why are you still talking to me?'

This person is like a mosquito and I am the swatter.

I'm not being rude, I'm just being honest.

What you say when someone tries to be cool and you're just trying to survive the day

I don't speak English, I speak 'I need coffee and silence'

Why is this person trying to be my friend? I'm just here for the coffee.

This conversation is like my Monday: pointless and painful.

Your go-to line when someone tries to start a conversation and you're too tired to even pretend you're listening

I don’t speak English, I speak ‘I’m too tired to be polite’.

This person is like my alarm clock at 6 a. m.

I’m not ignoring you, I’m just taking a nap in my head.

What you say when someone tries to talk to you and you’re just trying to avoid a full-blown argument

I don't speak English, I speak 'I don't want to fight right now'

This person is like a math problem I don't want to solve.

I’m not being rude, I’m just avoiding drama.