i don't remember

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a lie you tell yourself when your brain is busy taking a nap and your memory is out getting drunk at the bar

'I don't remember signing up for that gym.' (He was still in his pajamas.)

'I don't remember eating three whole pizzas.' (He had a pizza crust for a hat.)

'I don't remember promising to clean my room.' (It had a layer of dust and a dead spider.)

a phrase you yell when your brain decides to go on vacation and your memory is stuck at the airport fighting with a suitcase

'I don't remember agreeing to that bet.' (He was now wearing a chicken suit.)

'I don't remember saying that.' (He had a group of friends laughing at him.)

'I don't remember owing you money.' (He had a pizza box full of cash.)

what you say when your brain is busy eating a donut and your memory is stuck in traffic with a flat tire

'I don't remember saying I'd help you move.' (He had a couch in his living room.)

'I don't remember promising to feed the dog.' (The dog had a full plate and a toy.)

'I don't remember borrowing your car.' (It had a dent and a missing wheel.)

what you say when your brain is taking a nap and your memory is out getting a tattoo and a second job

'I don't remember signing that contract.' (He was now a part-time employee at a pizza place.)

'I don't remember saying I'd do that.' (He had a tattoo on his forehead.)

'I don't remember borrowing your phone.' (He had a full plate of food and a job.)

a phrase used when your brain is busy watching Netflix and your memory is stuck at the mall trying to figure out which store sold what

'I don't remember saying I'd clean my room.' (It looked like a tornado hit it.)

'I don't remember borrowing your bike.' (It was covered in dirt and had a flat tire.)

'I don't remember agreeing to that challenge.' (He was now wearing a chicken hat.)