I don't do that shit anymore

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What stoners say when they’re trying to act cool but still have the munchies at 3 a. m.

I don’t do that shit anymore, but I still eat cereal out of the box like it’s a crime.

I don’t do that shit anymore, but I still smoke when my mom walks in.

I don’t do that shit anymore, but I still talk to my plants like they’re my ex.

What people say when they’re trying to quit but still need the buzz once in a while.

I don’t do that shit anymore, but I still hit the button when my phone rings.

I don’t do that shit anymore, but I still eat the whole bag of chips like it’s a celebration.

I don’t do that shit anymore, but I still talk to my dog like he’s my lawyer.

What people say when they’re trying to be mature but still have the brain of a toddler on weed.

I don’t do that shit anymore, but I still think my fridge is a portal to another dimension.

I don’t do that shit anymore, but I still talk to my plants like they’re my parents.

I don’t do that shit anymore, but I still eat the whole pizza like it’s a war.

What people say when they’re trying to sound tough but still have the heart of a puppy.

I don’t do that shit anymore, but I still cry when my cat looks at me.

I don’t do that shit anymore, but I still eat the whole cake like it’s a gift.

I don’t do that shit anymore, but I still talk to my dog like he’s my best friend.

What people say when they’re trying to act smart but still have the brain of a confused chicken.

I don’t do that shit anymore, but I still think my coffee is a person.

I don’t do that shit anymore, but I still eat the whole sandwich like it’s a mission.

I don’t do that shit anymore, but I still talk to my plants like they’re my teachers.

What people say when they’re trying to be chill but still have the nerves of a spaz.

I don’t do that shit anymore, but I still scream at my TV like it’s my boss.

I don’t do that shit anymore, but I still eat the whole bag of chips like it’s a victory.

I don’t do that shit anymore, but I still talk to my dog like he’s my therapist.