Hairy tard
A hairy tard is a person who has so much hair it looks like a dog took a nap on them and then forgot how to be smart.
My uncle is a hairy tard. He has hair on his back and thinks a clock is a food item.
That guy at the store is a hairy tard. He has hair on his legs and thinks a shopping cart is a spaceship.
My mom called me a hairy tard because I had a beard and spilled my cereal.