hairy gumdrops

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1
aka the meaty mess you get when you're born with a face full of nuts and a body that looks like it's been through a war
My uncle's hairy gumdrops look like a used sock from the bottom of a closet.
That guy’s hairy gumdrops are so big, they have their own zip code.
I saw his hairy gumdrops and immediately knew he was the worst kind of man.
2
the sad, lonely kid who hangs out with the popular kids like they're the only thing keeping him from dying of embarrassment
She’s the hairy gumdrop who texts you every day but never asks you to hang out.
He’s the hairy gumdrop who tried to join the lunch table and got kicked out for being weird.
That girl is a hairy gumdrop and she still thinks she’s cool.
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