hairy eyelids

He showed up to the party wearing a shirt that said 'I survived 2013' and a hat that looked like a toilet seat.

He tried to flirt with my mom by saying, 'You look like you could handle a man with a full beard and a half-dead eye.'

He drove a van that smelled like old pizza and regret.

He texted me, 'Hey, I’m coming over. Bring a mop.'

He showed up to my birthday wearing a shirt that said 'I like dirt' and a hat that said 'I don’t care.'

He tried to impress my sister by saying he could eat a whole pizza in one bite. He did. And it was still half-eaten.

He texted me, 'I’m on my way. I might be late. I might be covered in dirt.'

He showed up to the party with a beard so long it looked like it had a life of its own.

He tried to sing karaoke and it sounded like a dying cat was screaming.