hairy eagle
A bald eagle that’s been run over by a lawn mower and also got a ton of glitter thrown at it. It’s so slow and ugly, it makes traffic jams look like a sprint.
My neighbor’s dog saw a hairy eagle and ran in circles screaming.
I dated a hairy eagle once. It was like dating a rug that had a bad attitude.
The hairy eagle tried to fly away, but it just looked like it was doing the cha-cha in slow motion.