Hairy as fuck
When someone has a mustache so big it could eat a sandwich, and then they lick someone out like they’re giving them a full-body hair treatment.
My dad has a mustache like a lion’s beard. He licked my sister out and she ran screaming.
My neighbor has a mustache that could choke a horse. He licked my dog and the dog passed out.
My uncle’s mustache is so big it looks like a traffic jam. He licked my brother and my brother cried like a baby.