hairlisp
When your mouth smells like a sewer and you talk like you're trying to impress a goat. Because of that stupid healed-up cleft lip. See Damien Lewis.
'I don't know why I bother talking to you, you sound like a goat with a bad cold.'
'He talks like he just gargled with dirt and a dead fish.'
'That guy has a hairlisp so bad, I think he's trying to talk to the devil.'