hair sprizzled - You’re so messed up you think your pet goldfish is your ex.

You’re so messed up you think your pet goldfish is your ex. You’re like a walking neon sign that says, 'I need a drink.'

At the party, my cousin asked the DJ if he could borrow his pants. He said yes. Then he asked if he could borrow his brain.

I tried to eat a sandwich. It looked like a math problem. I gave up.

I told my dog I was going to the moon. He brought a leash.