Hair Cretin

My hair looks like a raccoon got into a blender. You think it’s cool. I think I’m dead.

You say it’s ‘unique.’ I say it’s ‘disgusting.’ But I still like it.

Your hair is a crime. I’m the only one who applauds it.

You say your hair is ‘edgy.’ Your dog says it’s ‘tasty.’ I say it’s ‘abandonment.’

Your hair is like a bad tattoo. Only you and your goldfish like it.

You think your hair is cool. Your mom says it’s ‘disgusting.’ Your dog licks it.

You say your hair is ‘fierce.’ Your imaginary friend says it’s ‘fancy.’ The rest of us say it’s ‘frightening.’

Your hair looks like it was attacked by a vacuum. Only you and your imaginary friend think it’s cool.

You say your hair is ‘epic.’ Your imaginary friend says it’s ‘excellent.’ The world says it’s ‘extinct.’