Hair Compensator
A Hair Compensator is someone who’s going bald but grows crazy sideburns, mustaches, and goatees to distract people from the empty spot on their head.
My neighbor’s got sideburns that could start a fire.
My cousin’s got a mustache so thick, it looks like he’s wearing a raccoon.
My brother’s goatee is so big, it’s like he’s got a chin beard.