Haggy Parasite
A guy with a tiny wiener, a belly like a doughnut, and a sweat level that could melt ice cream. He spends all day playing Call of Duty and thinks he's a legend. He talks way too much and thinks E-Girls are into him because of his ugly selfies. In reality, he’s just a sadomasochist magnet.
"I slay the enemies in 2 minutes. I’m a beast.", 3 AM, 7th try at a solo queue.
DM: "I’m a top 1% player. You should be my girlfriend.", sent to 12 E-Girls at once.
Selfie caption: "I’m not fat, I’m just a legend in the making.", 14 likes, 3 sadomasochists.