Haggy Parasite
A guy with a mini penis, a gut that looks like a beach ball, and a sweat level that could boil water. He plays Call of Duty like it’s a religion. He talks way too much and thinks E-Girls are into him because of his bad selfies. Real talk: He’s just a walking sadomasochist sign.
Tweet: "I’m a pro. I kill enemies in 10 seconds.", he dies to a turtle 1 minute later.
DM: "I’m a legend. You should be my girlfriend.", sent to 6 E-Girls at once.
Selfie caption: "I’m not fat. I’m just a legend.", 1 like, 3 flogging invites.