Hafiez
A giant freak who thinks the world stops spinning when he takes a dump. Everyone puts up with him because he’s the most annoying thing ever. But we can’t live without him, even though he’s a total piece of garbage.
Hafiez said the earth would stop if he didn’t get his coffee. We all know that’s not true, but we still bring him coffee.
He threatened to end the world if we didn’t praise him. We did. The world kept spinning.
He told the moon to move out of his way. It listened. We didn’t.