Hackney Biathlon

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A brutal race where you run like a chicken with your head cut off and then ride a broken bike like it's your enemy.

I finished the Hackney Biathlon and my legs feel like they were hit by a truck.

My bike broke twice, but I still finished. I'm a god among mortals.

I ran so fast I passed my dog. That's not normal.

When you sprint like you're on fire and then pedal like you're being chased by a bear with a knife.

I was on fire during the running part. I literally felt like a flamingo in a microwave.

The bike part was worse. I swear my bike had a grudge against me.

I finished the Hackney Biathlon and I'm still not sure why.

A race that turns your body into a meat grinder and your brain into a confused potato.

After the Hackney Biathlon, I could barely walk. I looked like a zombie who forgot how to be alive.

I ran so much my feet were screaming. My brain was just whispering 'why?'.

I did the Hackney Biathlon and now I think I'm a superhero. Probably.

When you run like you're being chased by a mob and then pedal like you're trying to escape a prison.

I ran like I was being chased by a mob of angry kangaroos.

The bike part felt like I was escaping a prison with a broken wheel.

I finished the Hackney Biathlon and now I want a medal and a nap.

A race that takes your breath, your dignity, and your brain, and leaves you with nothing but pain and glory.

I ran until I couldn't breathe. My dignity was left in the street.

The bike part was so hard I thought my brain was going to quit.

I finished the Hackney Biathlon and now I'm a legend. Or a madman. Probably both.

A race where you run like you're being thrown into a blender and then ride a bike like it's your ex.

I ran like I was being thrown into a blender with a bunch of angry tomatoes.

The bike part was like riding my ex. It was emotional and painful.

I did the Hackney Biathlon and now I'm a runner, a biker, and a survivor.