Haarlem

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A smelly Dutch town that thinks it’s fancy, right next to Amsterdam. It’s got trees, which is weird because most of Holland is just soggy dirt.

My cousin moved to Haarlem and now he talks like a tourist.

I tried to date a girl from Haarlem, she said it was ‘cozy’, which is just Dutch for ‘boring’.

My dog hates Haarlem because it’s too posh for him.

A place that’s been around since before your grandma’s hips went bad. It’s got a name that sounds like it was made up by a drunk farmer.

My history teacher said Haarlem is older than my dad’s hair.

I asked my mom why Haarlem is so important, she said, ‘Because it’s got trees, stupid.’

I named my pet goat Haarlem because he looks like a tree.

A Dutch town that tried to be important, but then got stuck in the shadow of Amsterdam, like a fat kid at a pizza party.

My friend moved to Haarlem and now he’s trying to be fancy.

I told my brother Haarlem is just a bunch of trees and dirt, he said I was jealous.

My dog went to Haarlem and came back with a tree in his mouth.

A place that had the audacity to think it was special, even though it’s just a bunch of trees and dirt. And it’s also in New York, but spelled wrong.

My teacher said Harlem is just Haarlem with a bad spelling test.

I tried to move to Harlem, but I got lost in a tree.

My mom said Harlem is just a fancy version of Haarlem.

A Dutch town that tried to move to America and got stuck in Manhattan, like a bad decision that never ended.

My dad said Harlem is just Haarlem’s bad cousin.

I tried to move to Harlem and ended up in a tree.

My dog went to Harlem and came back with a New Yorker attitude.

A town that’s been around for like forever, but it’s still stuck in the past, like it forgot how to be cool.

My history teacher said Haarlem is older than my dad’s beard.

I asked my mom why Haarlem is so important, she said, ‘Because it’s got trees, stupid.’

I named my goldfish Haarlem because it looks like a tree.