Haanz

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A name for someone who eats like a pig and screams along to punk music like they’re in a band.

My cousin is a Haanz. He eats three burgers for breakfast and yells at his mom for not playing loud enough.

That guy at the concert was a Haanz. He threw his pants at the stage and cried when the band left.

My dog is a Haanz. He barks at the radio and chews up my shoes when the music gets loud.

A person who’s so chunky they could be a member of a punk band, and they probably would be if they weren’t too lazy to show up.

My uncle is a Haanz. He says he’s a punk, but he just listens to music and eats donuts.

That kid in my class is a Haanz. He wears a punk shirt and eats pizza for every meal.

My brother is a Haanz. He claims he’s a rockstar, but he just yells at his phone.

A person so big and loud they could wake up the whole neighborhood if they screamed into a microphone.

My neighbor is a Haanz. He yells at his cat and sings along to punk songs at 2 a. m.

That man at the grocery store is a Haanz. He dropped a whole bag of chips and yelled at it.

My mom is a Haanz. She eats cake for dinner and sings along to punk music like it’s a concert.