H.A.A.B - You’re so wasted you think your coffee is a time machine and

You’re so wasted you think your coffee is a time machine and it’s taking you to the 18th century.

I tried to drink my coffee, but it said, 'I’m not a drink, I’m a portal.'

I told my dad he was a banana, and he asked if I wanted a peel.

I tried to do my chores, but my vacuum was singing opera.