gallons

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1
A stupid way to measure liquid, like how your mom measures your punishment. Used only by stores who think you're dumb enough to buy it by the gallon.
Why do they sell soda in gallons? I just want one can, not a whole swimming pool!
My dad bought a gallon of soda and now it's the only thing he drinks. He's like a soda zombie.
I tried to drink a gallon of soda in one day. I didn’t make it. I puked on my math teacher.
2
How much a 1SG can chug before he turns into a human fountain. HOOAH! If he drinks more, he may turn into a puddle.
My cousin is a 1SG and he drank a gallon of beer in one go. He cried like a baby and then passed out.
That 1SG drank a gallon of wine and started dancing like a flamingo. It was terrifying.
The 1SG drank a gallon of rum and now he’s talking to the ceiling. It’s a spiritual experience.
3
The Gallon is a beast. It drinks weed every day to stay strong. If it gets angry, it will flatten you with a single sip.
The Gallon drank a whole bag of weed and started screaming at the moon.
My neighbor’s Gallon is so strong, it lifted a couch and threw it into a lake.
The Gallon got mad and spilled a gallon of coffee on my principal. He got suspended.
4
A gallon is like gas. Regular is for poor people. Premium is for rich people who think they’re fancy.
I only buy regular gas because I’m broke. My car coughs like it has a cold.
My dad buys premium gas just because he thinks it makes his car faster. It doesn’t. It just makes him feel rich.
The German gallon is like a secret society. Only Germans understand it.
5
A bunch of lazy kids who go to the store and throw gallons of juice and milk everywhere just for a stupid video.
Those kids threw a gallon of orange juice on the floor just for a video. They got kicked out.
A group of kids threw gallons of milk at the store clerk. He was covered in milk and screamed.
They spilled a gallon of juice on the checkout counter. The store manager called the cops.
6
A butt that’s so big, it looks like it swallowed a gallon of something. It’s like a butt tsunami.
Her butt is so big, it looks like it has a gallon of ice cream inside it.
He has a butt so huge, it could hold a whole gallon of soda.
That girl’s butt is so big, it’s like a gallon of butter.
7
The cheapest, sugariest, most fake juice you can buy. It looks like it’s made by a 6th grader who just got a juice box.
I drank a gallon of red Kool-Aid and it tasted like my math teacher’s hair.
That green Kool-Aid looked like it was made by a monster.
The black Kool-Aid tasted like my brother’s old shoes. It was gross.
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