gagnow

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A big, bald man who thinks he's a gym god but is just full of hot air and bad fashion choices.

I saw gagnow doing bicep curls in a glitter shirt. It was like watching a pigeon try to be a peacock.

He came into the gym wearing a neon pink onesie and a fanny pack. I cried.

He tried to flex so hard his face turned red. It looked like a tomato got angry.

A man who’s too fat to be cute but still thinks he’s the king of the gym. He wears clothes that don’t fit.

Gagnow showed up in a shirt that needed a second job. He was the shirt’s sidekick.

He tried to do push-ups and looked like a deflated balloon. I felt bad for the floor.

He wore socks with sandals and a hat that looked like it had a life of its own.

A man who’s got the body of a donut and the confidence of a man who thinks he’s a superhero.

Gagnow did a squat and looked like he was about to fall over. I thought he was doing yoga for a funeral.

He wore a shirt that said ‘I survived the gym’ and it was barely holding on.

He tried to do a plank and his face turned into a tomato. I was ready to help him.