gaap

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Stands for Generally Accepted Accounting Practices. It’s like the rulebook for people who make numbers look good, even when they’re lying.

My accounting teacher said GAAP is just a fancy way of saying, ‘Don’t be a idiot.’

I failed my GAAP test because I thought it was about pizza.

GAAP is the reason my mom’s business is still standing, even though she doesn’t know what a balance sheet is.

Stands for Grazing Area Above Penis. It’s the place where your thoughts go when you’re trying to remember your password.

I was daydreaming about GAAP during math class and got called out by the principal.

My dad said, ‘You’re thinking about GAAP again, son.’

I told my crush I was distracted by GAAP, and now we’re dating.

A collective noun for all of the people. It’s like ‘they’ but with more attitude and less sense.

GAAP said, ‘You’re all going to fail this test.’

GAAP is why my teacher always yells at the class.

I asked GAAP for help, and it just stared at me.

Grown ass adult policy. It’s when you’re too old to act like a kid, but you still do it anyway.

GAAP is why I still throw my lunch in the trash during meetings.

My boss said, ‘You’re breaking GAAP again.’

I told my mom, ‘I’m not a kid anymore,’ but GAAP says I am.

GAAP stands for Generally Accepted Accounting Principles. It’s a bunch of rules that make your life harder so accountants can feel important.

My accountant said GAAP is ‘the reason I get paid.’

I tried to follow GAAP and now my life is a mess.

GAAP is the reason I still don’t know what a depreciation is.