f'zoinked to the r'soink

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So stoned you think you’re a god, but really you’re just a sad guy who can’t stand up without crying.

I woke up and thought I was Elvis. Turns out I was just my dog’s cousin.

I tried to eat a whole pizza and ended up crying in the fridge.

I told my mom I was going to Mars. She said, 'I’ve seen you walk to the corner.'

So wasted you can’t tell your nose from your toes and you yell at your roommate for stealing your cereal.

I yelled at my cat for eating my homework. It was just trying to survive.

I tried to do a magic trick and turned my sock into a sandwich.

I told my dad I was a wizard. He said, 'You’re just a wizard who can’t spell.'

So high you can’t walk straight and you think your neighbor is trying to kidnap you for a pizza party.

I ran out of my house screaming because I thought my neighbor was a ninja.

I tried to hug a tree and it hugged me back. It was a very awkward moment.

I told my teacher I was going to take over the world. She gave me a popsicle and said, 'Try again next week.'

So tripped out you think your socks are alive and they’re plotting against you with a side of fries.

I tried to do my math homework and my socks started arguing. I failed the test.

I told my friend my dog was a spy. He said, 'Your dog’s just tired.'

I tried to eat fries and my socks said, 'We’re not done yet.'

So wasted you can’t tell your shoes from your feelings and you think your mom is a superhero who needs your help.

I told my mom I was going to save the world. She said, 'I’ve seen you lose a sock.'

I tried to save my shoes and ended up crying in the hallway.

I told my brother I was a superhero. He said, 'You’re just a superhero who can’t spell.'