factsfactsfactsfacts
things so real they make your face turn red and your pants smell like regret
I got a D on my history test. That’s a fact because I fell asleep during class and drew a mustache on the teacher’s face.
My dad said he’s never been wrong. That’s a fact because he once said the sky is green and I had to explain it to a baby.
My friend’s cat is a wizard. That’s a fact because it turned my math homework into a rainbow.