They showed up at my house at 2 AM just to tell me I had a broken tail light. I told them to come back when they had a real job.

The cop pulled me over and said I had to show him my license. I said, ‘I can’t even read.’ He said, ‘That’s fine. I can’t even spell.’

They gave me a ticket for not wearing a seatbelt. I told them I was saving money. They said, ‘You’re saving your life, you idiot.’